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About the Dissolution of Resolutions ...

Updated: Dec 31

New Year's resolutions. Do you make them? Do you set intentions? Do you declare a 'word for the year'?

It seems people are conflicted about whether or not they want to make New Year's resolutions. According to a Forbes Health/OnePoll survey conducted in October of 2023, 61.7% of respondents say they feel pressured to set a New Year’s resolution. In addition, many respondents are planning on setting multiple goals with 66.5% stating they plan on making three or more resolutions for the year ahead.

Yet, Verywell Mind goes on to say that 90% of the resolutions made are abandoned within the first few months claiming that the 'newness' of it all is arbitrary. Goals can be set at any time. While this may be true, there is something to be said for the promise of not just a new day or a new month. There is a refreshing feeling that comes with the first day of the first month of the year.

How many times have you woken up after a difficult time and declared; "This is the first day of the rest of my life!"?

Nevertheless, their explanations for why 90% are abandoned make sense:

  • people are thinking too big

  • people are not considering the 'why' behind the resolution / goal

  • people may not be ready for change

Which makes me wonder about the emotional interpretations leading people away from goal setting into a more secure solution like selecting their word for the year.

For the sake of making a point ... look at the following statements:

  • people are thinking too big ~ this underscores disbelief and doubt

  • people are not considering the 'why' behind the resolution / goal ~ this suggests lack of trust, faith and clarity

  • people may not be ready for change ~ attached to a certain identify ..nothing but fear

  • people feel pressured to make resolutions ~ this suggests lack of clarity. uncertainty and doubt

  • people don't want to feel disappointment ~ did someone mention doubt, lack of trust and faith ... all known as fear?

Each one represents the ever-familiar patterns of limitation that offer up any number of reasons for justifying why you cannot follow through on something. In this case your goals.

While limiting beliefs can and do creep into your head and whisper; "I don't think you can do this.", chances are you don't really even notice them because life is happening and there are situations and people that need your attention now. So, your goals slide onto the back burner due to everyday distractions. Those things you consider normal | expected | a part of life.

When it came to intentions, I was confused for years. More often than not, I heard people refer to them as goals. A good example is the number of times I heard people say they intended on making a certain amount of money by a specific time. Other ones involved waking up and intending on having a certain outcome by the end of the day.

Initially, I followed suit. I would declare an intention and if it worked out ... woo hoo! If it didn't, I was royally disappointed. Yet, the missed outcomes began shedding light on something very important. Intentions must be unshakably rooted in clarity.

conviction is key.

My successes all started off with the very same thought; "I am going to do this!" Although this sounds like a 'can do' attitude, it was more than that. I liken it to something I heard several months ago ... 'of course'.

Listening to a masterclass, the speaker was talking about finding a home she and her husband wanted even though it was out of their price range. She went on to share the brief hiccup in her head, followed by the thought, "Of course we're buying this place!"

That 'of course' stuck ... for her AND for me. I was reminded of the times I saw my intentions through. I was absolutely certain I was getting what I was after.

It's interesting, as I write the words 'getting what I was after' I felt a twinge of selfishness and think of the countless speakers, teachers and coaches talking about love, light, kindness, being of service, generosity and so on ... ALL of which aggressively plucks at that selfish nerve in me.

this makes me wonder about the dissolution of resolutions ...

  • Is this why distractions become the priority?

  • Is this why people have trouble knowing their 'why'?

  • Is it why intentions fall short?

... self-judgment or struggle to accept all aspects of yourself... 

The idea of intentions has also been defined as a feeling. How do you want to feel through the process of going for your goal?

  • fulfilled

  • joy

  • pleasure

  • abundant

  • fun

  • peace

  • open-minded

  • accepting

  • nonjudgmental

  • ... continue with whatever lights you up ...

Feelings, to me, are an internal experience of 'yes' or 'no' ... that's it. The definitions we assign to these sensations stem from our emotions, yet they can be boiled down to a simple clarifier ... 'yes' or 'no'. This is where you feel the power of your conviction.

That 'YES' ... the 'excitement in 'of course' '... is the moment you know your heart and brain are attuned.

This is great! Now selecting a word for the year makes sense. It becomes a reMinder that you can focus on and navigate life with conviction.

reMinder is my way of defining a shift from brain-based ego to Mindful wisdom

However, until you attend to the prevailing negative belief you identify with, such as selfish, your power word will have very little influence, if any, over the automatic way you repeat old patterns.

Please note: limiting beliefs are simply instinctual reactions. For the sake of your heart, let that sink in.

Limiting beliefs are instincts. They are not problems. They initiate ways of reacting to an event, thought, unknown trigger (they happen more than you realize) and / or person ... any of which could require protection. It's up to you to be aware enough to make that distinction.

This isn't meant to be rude. Habitually reacting to life is pretty typical. Although it's a common belief that automatic reactions are normal, the normalization is why so many do not achieve their goals. We've become accustomed to joking about them ... listen to a podcast. Even the most accomplished and well-intentioned interviewer slips into 'relatable mode' demonstrating an unmistakable human desire to connect.

And this is why success is hit or miss with the average person. We consistently resonate with human flaws, quirks and failures.

Keep in mind, resonance is a frequency. AND there is nothing wrong with chatting about anything. Yet, until setting higher standards and courageously catching ourselves before getting roped into automatic tendencies, achieving goals and experiencing stellar years remain unfulfilled dreams.

The secret lies in boldly breaking patterns with love. As they say, 'where there's a will, there's a way'.

In the book Wisdom Codes by Gregg Braden, he shares a phrase, in my opinion, more powerful than 'I am'. 'I will'.

Not from a point of view like 'I will clean the house' or 'I will lose 20 pounds' but from conviction for all. 'I WILL love', 'I WILL health', 'I WILL acceptance' OR 'I WILL prosperity'.

This is where I got and can easily get tripped up again. Conviction for all. This toys with my selfish or greedy nerve ... both of which are part of my shadow side. NOT that I walk around thinking of ways where I am the sole winner (even now I feel the pain of self-judgment) ...

Yes ... yes. I can be selfish. I want what I want. I'm confident it's the reason I am easily triggered when I witness someone 'going for what they want without reservation'. The difference is I was told I was selfish at a very young age and, experienced someone withholding tender loving care as a result. My emotional brain interpreted this as a punishment for being selfish which carried on into my adult life ...

BUT, as kids, we go through stages. It's part of our growth, adaptation (learning), and development. Punishing or disciplining children for a natural process is counterintuitive and contributes to the challenges faced as adults. Guidance holds a lot of weight. And it's the reason I believe the topic of narcissism is so widely popular!

Every one of us goes through the narcissistic stage. It's called the terrible two's and because humans are so comfortable with acting instinctually, some of us were raised by and are witnessing a growing population of overgrown 2-year-olds.

I realize there is a lot of talk around projection in the psychological world and I am deliberately avoiding the chatter of blame. People do what they do because that's the best they have until they see themselves in a brighter light...

Even so, rejection of the shadow comes with a price.

Contrast helps you see.

Dark and light are cycles. You witness it every day with the sun rising and setting. Even still, any judgment you have of yourself is made up. Your tendencies are rooted in survival. Nighttime is how nature resets itself. It's how certain animals survive and flourish. Daytime offers the very same advantage. The difference is in the energy required to sustain growth.

This means dark and light support every aspect of life. And when there's too much of one, it becomes detrimental.

Allowing yourself to be motivated by something that was actually defined by another person such as 'being selfish or greedy' is a lack of self-acceptance. You're empowering someone else's judgment and denying your very essence. And even though it may not be a thought that you're aware of today, the idea of appearing 'less than favorable' to those loving and guiding you in your early years affected your decisions and actions. The result is this way of operating became a standard and SO familiar that it happens without you realizing today.

Rejection of any kind is low resonance and reduces your inner peace. While it may be a good opportunity to check in with yourself to question your intentions, ongoing ninja-like denial of aspects of you disrupts emotional stability and the brain's ability to regulate balance throughout the body.

A good example that comes to mind is with essential oils.

There are certain constituents that influence the production of antioxidants. Those very same plant compounds ALSO promote the release of prooxidants ... when you don't take a break from using them.

Be fluid, adaptable ... honoring the cycles of your nature. 

Can you be selfish? ... Do you have needs? Are there times when you want what you want ... because?

Years ago, the final exam in my father's psychology class was one question: 'Why?'. Dad filled out his entire composition book determined to justify his 'why'... and failed. The correct answer? Because ... that's it. Just one word ... BECAUSE!

Now I understand, know your why has become quite popular throughout the motivational industry yet this can be a trap a.k.a. trigger for some ... like me ... that was significantly impacted by the judgment of selfish for most of my life. That is until I became aware of it and said enough.

Until that point, knowing my why threw me into analysis paralysis. Everything I wanted to do had to be underscored by who else was going to benefit from my actions. Thinking about this now makes my head spin. People around me thought I was procrastinating or lacking confidence. I can see why they believed these things yet the truth is I was denying the best reason for doing what I wanted to do ... because.

I honestly couldn't explain it other than ... I want to do this because it feels right. I felt the Truth of conviction. The 'yes' without explanation and was denying it because I was consistently checking in to be sure my why was in service of others and not me.

Lacking faith in my 'yes' denied me and others the blessings that come with honoring the Call to live fully ... to love life and enjoy!

I mean really ... do you truly need to know why you want to lose weight? Isn't it enough to want to FEEL the conviction of this is what I want because? You don't owe anyone including yourself an explanation.

As for being too big of a goal, not being ready or feeling disappointed, it seems these are all rooted in shadow stories / beliefs / judgments ... in a person that relates to them as fact. However, when you accept them as checkpoints, you position yourself to choose whether or not the energy of this opinion fits the moment. If it doesn't, step into the energy that does.

For the last year, I have supported an online membership for pharmacists. My area of expertise happens to be stress and burnout, and just moments ago, I noticed one of the doctors talking about the following:

  • Why the pharmacy profession can be negative

  • Understanding that there are external forces that challenge the profession

  • How can we be the change we wish to see in the pharmacy profession

  • How to focus on our career direction and not be derailed by negativity

The catch is our tendency to be hooked by the negativity. This happens whether you're talking to yourself or engaged in a conversation / discussion with someone else. And as mentioned earlier, I consistently witness this on podcasts ... completely unscripted and the next thing you know people are seeing themselves in the quirks and flaws of everyone in the conversation.

We've become wound mates ...

What's worse, entertainment normalizes distress and unless you can catch yourself getting sucked into it, it becomes a way of connecting with the people around you.

Oddly, my son sent me a link to an audio article with The Atlantic addressing why Americans are so awful to one another. I was only a few minutes in when I heard the narrator refer to 'the health of the society'. This is when my head blurted ... EXACTLY! With health being the key word.

As above, so below ... As within, so without

The sum health of society is directly proportional to the health of every individual. As we internally relate to negativity, negativity in the world around becomes the norm.

The way to accomplish your resolutions and / or intentions and fully experience your power word, you must begin leading the sticky conversations by:

  • catching and releasing yourself from the trap of negativity

allowing yourself to see a brighter side
  • and transforming the negativity into possibility

This is how we transmute heavy energy. It's not turning anger into joy ... anger has a purpose. It's attuning to your heart and stopping yourself from getting stuck in the negativity by actively generating a promising vision using the power of the emotion!

What does this look like?

  • hearing the belief / judgment

  • recognizing that the obstacle posed by the opinion is simply an objection with an opportunity to pause and consider all

  • if the sticky conversation is with yourself, it's imperative that you accept the negativity as a part of you. It is part of your Truth ... and there is nothing wrong with any facet of you! You just have to be willing to appreciate how you can be, possibly why it developed and understand that it serves you when called upon ... and that is the whole point. You get to say when the shadow side of you engages with Life.

  • if the sticky conversation is with someone else, you may need to lean into your shadow side to call someone out of their funk. Remember, the shadow side of leader is bitch ...

What if your success in 2024 is actually tied to you practicing the transformation of negativity?

Things you can do to enhance this practice include: (and you've heard them all before)

  • meditate either by being still OR movement i.e. yoga, walking, or, or, or any physical exercise ... running the vacuum! The idea is to slow your mind

  • journaling

  • breathwork

  • you can grab a few more ideas with this lifestyle friendly Transformational Self Care Checklist for 2024

And in order to keep yourself aligned with all of this inner work, you want to add genuine essential oils to your daily routine. You don't have free will as long as you are denying certain aspects of yourself OR attached to an identify.

In other words, living a life motivated by beliefs and opinions interferes with clarity. Your life continues on autopilot whether you are enmeshed in the negative OR hiding from the negative in a false light. Something I call, spiritual ego.

Pure light produces unity and essential oils are THE BEST way to not just connect you with Nature but unite your whole Nature. The way this benefits your mind, brain and body exceeds human understanding! Yet, countless clients of mine as well as myself are living testimonies of what's possible.

A good example is seeing various agendas and ideologies being posted on social media. Although enticed, I now pause to consider my intention and refuse to share something just to get someone to talk to me.

I am aware of how easily triggered people can be when they're concerned about current events. Yet, there was a time when my need to be seen far outweighed the effect of what I was doing. Honestly, when I take a moment to assess my decision, I'm clear ... the way other people feel matters to my heart and the last thing I ever want to do is get them all worked up just to negatively satisfy a selfish need to know I matter.

I want what I want because BUT not at the cost of another heart.

I see a world of locked up hearts and although hopeful, our actions generally reflect win / lose decisions because we sell ourselves out. It takes accepting and blessing the shadow side as the protector it is and THAT is the wisdom in your emotions!

Because I began integrating specific oils for my brain and body, I gained facility over my automatic reactions, from my relationship with myself, food and people.

Now I am the observer, NOT the performer.

Would you like to work with the Essence of You and activate this ability within your Mind? You are invited to order a personalized essential oil blend no consult required!

I've also opened up some time for you to schedule a virtual 1/2 VIP day of Integrative Transformational Coaching which includes 60 days of follow up all with me. Together we'll dive into and assist you with freeing your heart, making peace and allowing yourself to be whole ... 'as is'!

And above all .... Here's to a year that honors You!


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